I thought this was going to be a clever fake. Sadly, it's not.
Why do snakes and maggots go to hell? What did they do to deserve that? Are they evil snakes and maggots? Do good snakes and maggots go to heaven?
The Bible tells us Hell is the final destination for atheists and agnostics. As seen here in the movie Constantine, the best possible source we could find on the subject.
All joking aside, I think we should listen to this man. I mean, he fell asleep and had a strange vision. How often does that happen?
"Uh. Uh. Uh."
|Rodents of Unusual Size |
Fox News: hitting those hard news stories that the New York Times wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
Also, isn't the idea of Hell kind of contradictory? If God created everything and is everywhere, then wouldn't part of God be in Hell too?
wouldn't god, in fact, be satan and vice versa. why war against oneself?
really, the greeks and norse made more sense than the christians. at least their gods were relateable.
p.s. that being said, i will say that Christianity gives an ok moral compass, if you ignore the homophobia, fear of progress and "justified" bloodshed.
Ahriman the Creepy Lurker
Not all of them--1 Enoch contains that bit of information, and it's included in the broader canon of the Ethiopian Orthodox Church.
In the inscription on the gates of Hell, Dante wrote that it included the phrase 'God's Love made this place.' He built it to cast away those who disobey him and are unjust.
The lessons of Jesus are truly astounding. The rest is a load of codswallop.
According to Dante, atheists who live good lives go to level one, and dwell in a citadel where lit by the righteousness of man, free from tortures but beyond god's gaze. not so bad. i think I'll take that over singing hosannas.
Dante keeps saying how they're kind of lonely because the soul longs for God, but it really doesn't seem like a bad fate at all. Plus, you get to hang with Socrates and Plato and co. Pretty good crowd to spend eternity with.
Especially considering the other levels.
That was centuries ago, though. Now the place is probably filled wall-to-wall with aborted babies.
Do they? I was never entirely clear on that point- I took the "Dante's Inferno Test" and got sent to Limbo, but I'm not sure how canon that test was. I thought (and I could be wrong here) that Limbo was reserved for virtuous PAGANS who, either because they lived before Christ or had the misfortune of being born in West Mbutuland and never heard of the wonders of Our Lord and Savior, couldn't get into heaven even though they were otherwise good people. Folks who DID know about God and Jesus and all that good stuff, but consciously chose to reject Him, weren't they classified as heretics? Sent to, what was it, Dis, where they'd be entombed in flaming coffins for all eternity, irregardless of how they lived? From what I gathered (and again, it's been awhile since I boned up on Dante's opinion of atheists) Limbo was there for people who could use ignorance as an excuse- you've heard of Jesus, and you "know" He's God (or at least you know that other people tell you He's God), so the best you can hope for is getting stuck with the Protestants and Scientologists.
As for aborted babies, don't they wind up in Paradise, way up in Empyrean? Or is that just the baptised ones?
i think you probably know better than i do, but i believe that the virtuous pagans were supposed to include atheists and were not in limbo but the first ring. including Plato and the rest would suggest that they were at least aware of Judaism (the old testament ticket to heaven, or at least Abraham's breast), therefore knew the "one true god" yet rejected him while still living a good life. but i think this point is open to opinion, since Dante didn't exactly leave a directors commentary.
limbo i remember as being a place where folks chased after a banner on a field of maggots in a hideous game of capture the flag, which could also be fun.
I think Dante's rules were more like guidelines. The angel who guards Purgatory was once a pagan, who killed himself after leading an unsuccessful rebellion against the leadership of his country. That could put him in limbo, the seventh circle, or the ninth circle, but instead he becomes an angel.
Also, Dante freaking climbed up the colossal body of Satan himself... I think he trumps 23 minutes.
Well, all I could find so far on Dante and atheism was that William Blake apparently thought Dante was one, and unbaptised children get sent to Limbo with Plato. Knowing Plato and his attitude towards children, of course, this is very, VERY cruel.
So folks, if you're planning on getting an abortion, for God's sake stick some holy water up your snatch before you do it!
Einstürzende Neubauten did an album about Dante's Hell, with John Peel as narrator, for those curious. http :// blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2007/02/radio_theater_v.html
Oh fuck. That was cut too short. They had a priest coming up for the answers!
When a grown man has a nightmare and is convinced that it's real, he's probably an idiot... or religious.
Maybe I don't get this religion thing - and I don't - but wouldn't someone who was (even temporarily) sent to hell make a shitty, shitty minister? I mean, shouldn't people be asking what Bill did to warrant a quickie in the pit?
I simply cannot believe this shit is on television. I can't believe this man has a career.
How is this news? Why does Hannity spend no less than a WHOLE minute talking about the difference between heaven and hell, as if every single person in America didn't already know? Why are they devoting such a large block of time to talking about this? Why isn't this being broadcast on on TBN or INSP?
And finally, this exact story (different man) was the subject of an 'Unsolved Mysteries' segment once. But that person got sent to a place with no fire, where maniacs screamed at him and tore at his clothes. Why a different version of hell for this guy? There's more than one?
There are many versions of hell.
As many as it takes to justify each nutzo's halucination as a part of "the real hell!!"
"Many people who have had near-death experiences. . . ."
AND THEN THE CARTOON SHARKS CAME
This is less funny when you realize they tell little kids this shit all the time to get them to convert. It worked on me.
I've had more interesting dreams than that, can I quit my job and just talk about them for the rest of my life?
This guy doesn't even say he had a near death experience. He admits that he fell asleep and had a "vision." I think that even if I was a bible thumper, I'd be skeptical... especially considering the creepy vibe that he gives off.
Menudo con queso
If you were a bible thumper you'd be, by definition, incapable of skepticism.
Actualy, you'd be skeptical of everything
Everything that has empirical evidence backing
|The Snickler |
It is not like this is JUST his dream, they also had a priest come in to confirm his story. Everyone knows priests don't lie.
This just strikes me as some kind of elaborate zealous masturbatory fantasy for this guy.
|The Great Hippo |
oh god, I keep cracking up
the graphic guys had tons of fun with this
*SPINNING DEMONIC-LOOKING BOOK*
*PICTURE OF A RED ROOM*
Also, I'm glad that they're bringing in a priest to finally clear this shit up.
"It's completely terrifying beyond any words I can ever paint a picture of. Now pay me to blabber on about this dream I once had."
I'm ok with this clip because I made a career out of the time I was on lsd and I saw 6 of my friends grinding naked in my bed while blasting wu-tang, all punching eachother in the face and kissing with their hands covered in menstrual blood and tv dinners.
I have a friend who went to hell.
He took anti-psychotic medicine for a couple of months and he's as good as ever.
This has become a whole new sub-genre/cottage industry in the faggoty Christian literature domain. First there was "30 SECONDS IN HELL" or whatever, then the guy made some half assed sequel where he was like "Oh, and I also saw heaven for a few seconds too."
Now there's new authors entering the arena with their own "OMG I ALMOST CHOKED ON A HOT DOG AND SAW JESUS" type books.
They sell like hotcakes at the bookstore where I work as does all that Christian self-help/living garbage. People are so easily fucked with.
Oh Fox. When will you learn that you are the single worst thing to happen to earth?
You're gullible enough to believe in intelligent design but this is too much for you?
This is more than too much. It's simply shameful.
|bang to buck ratio |
Not to be earnest on poe or anything, but clips like this just make me sad. My grandparents watch this show. Their news comes exclusively from Fox. They're secular, principled people, and they lived in the eras of Cronkite, Murrow, but they sit through shit like this for HOURS every day. It's just deeply troubling to me that they watch segments like this and don't - regardless of politics or brand loyalties or whatever else - even once think, "damn. Maybe this show is actually sort of stupid."
It worries me that my father, an incredibly sensible and well-educated man, does the same thing. I try to chalk it up to the older generations seeking some comfort from a world that has changed into something unfamiliar to them, but things like this clip make it hard to justify that explanation.
Scrotum H. Vainglorious
You're not alone, brother. As heartless as it sounds we just have to wait for them to die off.
"Everything that you (I) can imagine that is terrible"
|Caminante Nocturno |
I like how they start the "BEYOND BELIEF" segment with a variety of religious symbols, as if they were ever going to talk about anything other than the stinking bible.
I had a dream where I was having a clambake with a bunch of anime characters. What does your bible say about that, Fox News?
Oh man, I'd love for Fox to do a piece just like this on like, fairies or Valhalla or reptilian shapeshifters. They could bring in book authors and have experts in the studio and everything. Viewers would be outraged even though this is the same exact fairytale stuff with a different theology.
I think being exposed to this bullshit everyday has sort of made America numb to the complete absurdity of it.
"Some skeptics say that Reptoids are God-fearing, law abiding, and heterosexual, just like you and I. BUT WHAT IF THEY ARE WRONG? Tonight we look at a man who says he dreamt about Reptoids, and claims he saw them kidnap children and force those children into homosexual lifestyles."
-cue guy in suit talking over a space-themed photo montage-
"And they were just... snakes, who looked like men, and they were wearing pink muscle shirts and spandez running shorts. And I saw the cages with the children, and the young boys were being forced to listen to Barbara Streisand, and the young girls were watching football and reading Dworkin. Everything you can imagine that's gay."
Proper title for the segment though... I didn't believe anything the dude said.
Why are snakes in hell?
Snakes aren't evil, they're just grumpy and misunderstood.
Christian snakes don't go to Hell. But there's not many of them.
I lived in Hell for FOUR YEARS. It's located anywhere within 200 miles of Oxford, Mississippi, the center of Hell itself. Where's my fucking book deal?
I imagine that the only channel you get in hell is Fox News.
For Cheney, Hell is a wide-open field of old men... and no ammo for his shotgun
Man, I was really dying to hear that priest confirm whether there was a Hell or not. I bet he had a lot to say on the subject.
The Hell Law says that Hell is reserved exclusively for them that believe in it.
Further, the lowest Rung in Hell is reserved for them that believe in
it on the supposition that they'll go there if they don't.
---HBT; The Gospel According to Fred, 3:1
What I want to know is what did he do that was so bad he got sent to Hell.
God would never send a righteous man to Hell. Somebody is lying!
23 minutes is hardly enough time in Hell to write a book detailing your experiences, even if he WAS really there and not just having a nightmare.
I spent about four hours in Munich in 1994. Had a beer, saw a vending machine that sold David Hasselhoff CDs, got yelled at by a German man for "not speaking the language of [my] fatherland" when I was unable to communicate with him in German, and hopped a Eurail to Amsterdam. According to Fundie McHadabaddream, I should be able to turn that experience into a book the length of The Travels of Marco Polo, and a public-speaking career wherein I warn Americans of the dangers of not speaking German in Germany when you look like I do (German).
Last night I dreamed I was treed by these horrible lizard-cat creatures. That's got to be worth at least two hundred pages.
I once spent three hours on acid getting raped by iguanas behind a dumpster in my mind. And I got bit by a Chest Spider and Buddha told me I was all wrong in the head.
23 minutes? He didn't go to hell, he just watched an episode of "Carpoolers."
Hell is for children.
Also, how does his guy know what burning flesh smells like?
The intro is the most absurd blur between Catholism and Christianity.
How does he know how long he was there for?
Did he bring a watch?
I for one am very happy to know that there is such a place waiting for Hannity and his ilk.
religion is stupid
Dude, you just fell asleep with Constantine playing in the background. Get over it.
I thought this was a Daily Show clip until I noticed the Fox News Channel imprint.
|King of Balls |
I guess I got through about 23 minutes of Hell in Doom III before I crashed to Windows back in '04.
|Justin Dohrmann |
I'd be insulting your intelligence if I didn't say that this video insults my intelligence.
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