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Desc:Conservative Pro-life comedy. 0:15-1:09 is the part that's actually funny.
Category:Humor, News & Politics
Tags:Abortion, misogyny, conservative comedy, Crazy Petes Abortion Barn
Submitted:Rum Revenge
Date:08/19/09
Views:1919
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Comment count is 45
Toenails
OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE THE GOVERNMENT USES TAX DOLLARS FOR THINGS I DON'T SUPPORT!!!

All kidding aside, if you value life, kill an abortionist.
HankFinch
Hi.












































Well, see ya later.

Riskbreaker
Zach Braff and Jimmy Fallon had a kid?
ProfessorChaos
Braff has also done voice-acting, having voiced the title character for the Disney animated film Chicken Little (2005) and the video game Kingdom Hearts II, the Cottonelle Puppy, and water in a PUR ad campaign. In the field of voice acting, Braff narrated Wendy's TV commercials in 2007 and '08. He has also portrayed the voice of the Cottonelle puppy in commercials as of late; Braff also makes a brief cameo in one spot. In 2005, Braff was featured on Ashton Kutcher's Punk'd when he was tricked into chasing a supposed vandal who appeared to be spray-painting his brand new Porsche. He then proceeded to hurl expletives at the young boy until Ashton Kutcher showed up.The episode aired March 20, 2005. Braff has also made a couple of guest appearances on the show Arrested Development as Phillip Litt, a parody of Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis, who produces a film series called Girls with Low Self Esteem.

Braff has directed several music videos: Gavin DeGraw's "Chariot," Joshua Radin's "Closer" and "I'd Rather Be With You," and Lazlo Bane's "Superman," the theme song from Scrubs. Despite winning a Grammy Award for assembling the soundtrack album of Garden State and directing three music videos, Braff has said that he "loves music and knows a lot about it." However, his music production has resulted in newfound success for some of the artists featured on his film soundtracks, such as The Shins, who were prominently featured on the Garden State soundtrack and the Scrubs soundtrack, resulting in the expression the "Zach Braff effect."

On May 19, 2007, Braff hosted the 32nd season finale of Saturday Night Live, where in one sketch, he plays a high schooler who tries to explain to the two snobby heads of the prom committee (Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph) how Garden State is an important film to his peers.

Braff was in talks to star in the film Fletch Won and had signed on to play the role eventually played by Dane Cook in Mr. Brooks, but dropped out of both roles to work on Open Hearts, which he adapted from a Danish film and will direct. He has also co-written a film version of Andrew Henry's Meadow, a children's book, with his brother, and is scheduled to direct one of the segments for the film New York, I Love You.

In July 2009 he signed on as an executive producer for the documentary Heart of Stone to "help spread the word about it."

Riskbreaker
I see what you did there.

theSnake
He really understands and shows respect to a the gut-wrenching decision and process of getting an abortion.
Jefka
Fuck all these long posts. I'm just going to copy a wikipedia entry here.

Steven Quincy Urkel (born 1976 or 1977[1]), generally known as Steve Urkel, is a fictional character on the ABC/CBS[2] comedy sitcom Family Matters, portrayed by Jaleel White. Originally slated to have been a one-time guest on the show, he soon became its most popular character.

Steve was the epitome of a geek/nerd, with large, thick eyeglasses, "high-water" or "flooding" pants held up by suspenders, multi-colored cardigan sweaters, and a high-pitched voice. He professed unrequited love for neighbor Laura Winslow, perpetually annoyed her father, Carl, and tried to befriend her brother, Eddie. Amongst the rest of the family, Harriette; Rachel; and "Mother" Estelle Winslow were more accepting and caring of Urkel.

Throughout the series' run, Steve was central to many of its recurring gags, primarily gratuitous property damage and/or personal injury as a result of his inventions going awry or his outright clumsiness. He became known for several catch phrases uttered after some humorous misfortune occurred, including "I've fallen and I can't get up!", "Did I do that?" (previously used by Curly in the 1934 Three Stooges short Punch Drunks), "Whoa, Mama!", and "Look what you did." (if, rarely, someone else caused the damage) Steve was also known for his distinctive laugh, which consisted of a loud cackle followed by a nasal snort.


StanleyPain
Here is my question to conservatives and assfaces like this:

Let's say we ban abortion. All abortion is illegal. Now, historically when abortion is illegal we have the following things:
1. An increased birth rate overall which means more babies, many of whom being born into poverty.
2. Women attempting to get abortions illegally, sometimes being done by people with minimal to no serious medical training which then leads to either the deaths of the mother and/or child, or at minimum, need for serious medical care to cover up for the poor quality of the abortion.

So, please answer me this:
If you think abortion is wrong and then also think things like socialized healthcare is wrong and welfare is wrong and pretty much all social programs are wrong and you don't want to pay high taxes, etc. etc., then exactly WHERE is the money and infrastructure supposed to come from to care for this new, enlarged segment of the population? Where will the medical care come from to help poor people with babies that they couldn't be terminated in pregnancy because abortion was illegal?

Pro-lifers love to quote vague statistics about how abortion being legal for roughly the last 30 years resulted in the deaths of something like a few million people. (just to grab a figure). So, looking at the US now and the state that it is in with a terribly flawed health care system, a very flawed welfare system, an economy tanked by the Iraq War, record level unemployment and all sorts of problems with labor, exactly what would we do with that extra few million people? What jobs would they be doing? What taxes would they be paying into the public system if, indeed, taxes were further lowered since taxes are horrible and evil? Again, where would the infrastructure come from to make things better than they are NOW for this extra population in our country if you don't want things to change for the better at ALL (remember, government care for people = COMMUNISM).
Who will be taking care of all these people? What about the poor? What about families who cannot afford healthcare?

This will lead to a massively increased mortality rate as babies and children die from either poor or no medical care or simply the state of their existence. As it stands now, social services are bursting at the SEAMS from having to deal with abused children, mistreated children, unwanted children. Children from broken homes are often moved into situations that are even worse. Read some of the stories on POEN about children in foster homes. Hardly anyone adopts in the US (gotta have those novelty children! HEE HEE IT LOOKS LIKE ME SORTA!), so our adoption system is absolutely overflowing. Where would you propose to put the extra thousands and babies that making abortion illegal would produce??? (and that's likely a very conservative figure, I wouldn't know the actual figures)

So, I am legitimately curious as to what the pro-life solution is to all of these things because I havent' seen any of the major players in the pro-life movement do anything whatsoever to provide for infants in this country who are currently dying in poverty. I haven't seen pro-lifers contribute anything to any causes forwarding improved medical care or improved overall state welfare for poor children. I haven't seen pro-lifers actually DO anything to move society forward in ANY way. You complain about abortion and advocate killing people who provide legal, valuable medical services to people nebulous reasons about how "life is precious." Apparently it can't be that precious because I guess once the baby is out of it's mother's womb, it's no longer your problem. It's supposed to be someone else's.

Sorry I know this is TLDR bullshit, but this video made me fucking mad.

TimbolinoBilchard
Pro-life = pro-birth, nothing more.

Same argument, five words.

Meerkat
It is not pro-birth, it is anti-choice. If a woman is carrying a baby that will threaten her life and prevent more births by taking her out of the breeding population, they would still oppose aborting that baby even though doing so would ultimately result in more births.

It's really about control of the woman's centipede storage unit.

James Woods
Minus five for you knuckleheads and plus 5 for Stanely and what is a fantastic rant. Nothing needs to be added or taken away. Well said.

pastorofmuppets
They would respond by accusing you of only considering society at large rather than treating each individual as having a soul and the right to life. You can't tell ideological people they're wrong because the world as it is doesn't bear out their ideology. If that was a requirement, they wouldn't have formed it in the first place.

Not that they're 100% wrong. Right after conception the zygote has all of the things needed for life, and is genetically distinct from the parents. If I believed in an eternal soul (and it's not like I don't wish that I could) then that'd be the logical place for it to sneak in, not when the cord gets cut. Then again, zygotes don't yet have a pineal gland...

This whole idea of "a" life is the problem. As far as we know life just *is*. Where there was no life, now there is some, and it happened in a smooth motion. There was not one specific moment where a light was switched on. But you can understand why ancient people might have believed that to be the case. Some continue to trust those ancients, even though they were just regular people who lacked microscopes. Whatever.

So what *I* would say to pro-lifers is to stop acting like everyone thinks abortions are fun or hip or something. They're traumatic and horrible but sometimes a necessary evil. And you don't take away rights from people because *you* think they might abuse them. We all agree that life is being snuffed out. Or at least anyone with a biology class under their belt will. But to call it murder? Come on.

The state already has way too much say in basic basic shit. Some states can take life. Almost all refuse some basic rights to felons. Let's not get into the jails filled with recreational drug users or the sex offender registries populated by teens who sent their fling a naked picture. The Roe v. Wade opinion was extremely prescient. It's not that people are being "allowed" to have abortions, it's that this is a matter so private that government need not get involved.

Jefka
Yeah, sometimes it takes James fucking Woods to put you plebs in your place.

Can I you mail me a signed 8x10 headshot, Mr. Woods?

Jefka
White's first appearance as Steve came in the episode "Laura's First Date," the twelfth episode of the first season (though in syndication he first appears in "Rachel's First Date"), as the Winslow family's next door neighbor who Carl set up to take Laura to a junior high school dance. Though he was only intended to be a one-time guest, White was quickly promoted to recurring guest and became a full-time series regular by the end of the first season.

Steve was portrayed as a highly intelligent but annoying and clumsy person who fondly admired the Winslow family. His strained relationship with his own parents led him to admire Carl and Harriette as father and mother figures, respectively, and caused him to be a regular, often uninvited guest at the Winslow house. Some of the Winslows, particularly Carl, Eddie, and Laura, did not always reciprocate Steve's admiration; despite this, he was always loyal to the Winslow family and would go out of his way to help them or anyone in need. As time progressed, the Winslows grew to love Steve, and he and Laura got engaged to be married in the third-to-last episode.

revdrew
Haha, all women who want abortions are whiny sluts.
Billie_Joe_Buttfuck
Cheap whiny sluts.

Jefka
The Urkels are very intelligent people; Steve and his family were known to do the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle in pen in about 20 minutes. However, Steve's parents did not love him, something that is made clear through the recurring gags of comical verbal and physical abuse mentioned in the show (for example, his parents set a midnight curfew for when he is allowed to come home, and they used birthday candles that blew up). When he was born his parents tried to push him back in the womb, and his parents do not own a car because he was born in one.

The viewers see that Steve has at least three relatives who do care about him. Besides Myrtle, in an early episode, entitled "The Big Fix - AKA Mercy Date", his uncle Ernie, drives him on his date with Laura, and takes a picture. He also seems to have a good relationship with his "Aunt Oona from Altoona", (notably played by Donna Summer), as she pays him visits in two episodes. He also mentions his Uncle Cecil throughout the series, so it implies that Uncle Cecil cares for Steve. Other relatives included Myrtle's father "Big Daddy" (played by Reginald VelJohnson in a dual role) who didn't think Eddie was a good choice for his daughter, and Steve's gangster cousin Cornelius Eugene Urkel (also played by White) who went by the moniker "Original Gangsta Dawg".

Cena_mark
Now you all know I'm not pro life, but Crowder does make a lot of good points in his other videos. He isn't a pro life nut or anything, but he is pro life and that's understandable.
I have no problem with prolifers, but there seems to be a large prejudice towards them here on POETV.
Herr Matthias
Every one of your sentences is inherently contradictory.

Jefka
In 1995, his parents moved to Russia without Steve, because he didn't want to go, apparently abandoning him. He wanted to stay with his friends and finish his senior year of high school. Steve was then allowed to live with the Winslows; however, in a 1998 episode, a subplot has Steve visiting his parents.

In one episode, it was indicated that Steve's parents might be atheists; Steve himself admitted that his family doesn't attend church after he was welcomed to the Winslow family church.

In addition to his parents (who were never seen, although his mother once was heard off-screen, and a glimpse of the side of her face is in one of Steve's baby pictures), his family also included his cousin, Myrtle Urkel (also played by White), a southern belle whose innocent infatuation with Laura's brother, Eddie, was equal to Steve's for Laura except Myrtle (try as she might) never grew on Eddie as Steve over time grew on Laura.

James Woods
Amazing

fluffy
Man those crazy abortionists, am I right?

All kidding aside, let me quote a children's show.
Camonk
How can you blow a crazy used car salesman abortion gag? I mean that practically writes itself. And when it writes itself, it's FUNNY. What the fuck man.
mcsancherson
has there EVER BEEN a funny conservative other than maybe PJ O'Rourke some of the time?
mcsancherson
actually ill save you the trouble: no, there has not

Camonk
Apparently John Schwartzwelder, who wrote a huge number of early, hilarious, Simpsons episodes is right wing. But he also lives in a cabin and refuses to be interviewed.

pastorofmuppets
I woulda figured Paul F Tompkins but I looked it up and he's been on Countdown to make fun of Joe Barton.

Jefka
From his first appearance on the show, Steve's main relationship was his crush for Laura Winslow. Much to her annoyance, Steve constantly regaled Laura with gifts, serenades, and the like throughout their high school years. She did, however, regard Steve as a loyal friend in several episodes, including one very special episode during the second season in which Laura's locker was vandalized with racial epithets during their attempt to incorporate African American history into their high school curriculum.

During the fourth season episode "A Thought in the Dark", Laura and her then-boyfriend, Ted Curran, set Steve up with Ted's cousin, Myra Monkhouse (Michelle Thomas), thus beginning a relationship arc that would last until the series finale. Initially, Myra was grossly infatuated with Steve, and, although he liked her at first, did not reciprocate the infatuation (mirroring his own relationship with Laura). Steve soon gives in and gives the relationship a chance, and the two become a couple during the fifth season. Despite their relationship, Steve still professes his love for Laura; a recurring plotline involved Myra accusing Laura of trying to win Steve over.

Xenocide
Much information from Simpsons DVD commentaries or elsewhere point to two distinct possibilities:

1-John Swartzwelder is, for the most part, insane.

2- John Swartzwelder is a pen name created by Greoning because guild rules prevent them from simply crediting the entire writing staff on an episode. If you pay attention to descriptions of the man he's basically the bizzaro Matt Greoning.

In one episode's commentary they actually do call him up and chat with him for a bit, without him knowing that tape is running. Then he ends the call by saying "by the way, I'm not really John Swartzwelder."

Camonk
He's definitely insane. I... am not into the conspiracy theory that he's fake, though. There's too many in-jokes about him both on the commentaries and in the episodes themselves. Wanna wrestle?

phalsebob
I think I can find at least one example where an abortion would have been a big positive.
phalsebob
Also, I checked out two of his other vids. He's to dull to be the next most punchable face, but he sure thinks he's there.

Jefka
Eventually, during the ninth season, Laura begins to realize she has feelings for Steve. Later in the season, he breaks up with Myra and begins his long-coveted relationship with Laura. From the beginning, Myra attempted to interfere in Steve and Laura's relationship, fueled by the desire to win Steve's heart back. The Steve-Laura-Myra triangle would conclude with the series finale, in which Steve and Laura pledged to get married.

Xenocide
This reminded me of Dustin Diamond Teaches Chess. I think it's because he keeps lapsing into unfunny accents for no reason.
Comeuppance
Lost Horizon are a power / progressive metal band from Gothenburg, Sweden. They went under the name Highlander from 1990 until 1994 (with Joacim Cans on vocals and other future Hammerfall members) before the band was put on hold. Reformed in the late nineties, briefly under the same name, before changing it to Lost Horizon. The band is Swedish but Wojtek Lisicki is from Poland. The band slowed down a bit while writing new material during the search for a new singer, but they are still actively working on the next album. However, there is no current date for this new material to appear.

The band's lyrics are based upon the philosophy of existentialism. They believe fully in the power of free will, and the complete denial of fate. They believe in motivating and helping people harmed by self doubt, and fear. They are also strongly against the use of illicit substances. Onstage and in photoshoots, Lost Horizon are seen wearing studded leather, cloaks, bare chests and face paint. They also adopt pseudonyms and use obscure terms to describe their roles within the band. For example Wojtek Lisicki, using the name "Transcendental Protagonist" describes himself as being responsible for "Poesy of Spiritual Enlightenment/String Romanticism" with a "Translation for Mortals" as "Lyrics/Guitars". What a bunch of faggots.

Caminante Nocturno
...
Kieran27
Conservative videos are usually fun to watch, though usually not intended to be funny. When conservatives try to be funny and get their point across, you get something like this. It's not funny, but they try so hard...

I feel like I'm watching a really bad children's play, one I'd just like to get up and leave so I don't have to watch them embarass themselves anymore. But that's too awkward so you sit in your chair and pretend to be interested, maybe even smile a bit. And after their little skit is over, you promptly forget about it.
phalsebob
Thank you Jefka for spamming up the place. It's up to you to bring this place up to youtube standards.
Jefka
In my defense, it really was a lot funnier when I was drinking...

...anyway we harmonized to youtube standards the minute people started using this video filter site as a forum for their dogshit political/moral essays.

pastorofmuppets
No we didn't, YouTube has a character limit.

phalsebob
Well drunkenness is a good enough defence for me.

KillerGazebo
Personally I feel that descriptions of obscure characters from old television shows should become a standard way of dealing with Cena's insanity. The other posts were a little unnecessary. I think trolling the troll may actually work here.

Billie_Joe_Buttfuck
This man owns a jacket like that.
chumbucket
comedy, aborted
charmlessman
Welp, that's what it took to change MY mind.
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