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Desc:Five minutes into 'Batman and Robin' came the awful moment when you knew what you were in for.
Category:Classic Movies, Accidents & Explosions
Tags:Batman and Robin, Clooney, Shwarzzenegger, Worse than Ed Wood, Franchise killer
Submitted:John Holmes Motherfucker
Date:10/06/10
Views:1016
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Comment count is 19
chumbucket
combo breaker
John Holmes Motherfucker
Was it an homage, or just a horrible coincidence?


One thing I had never noticed before was the ray gun that cocks like a shotgun.
Old_Zircon
I knew what I was in for 5 seconds into the trailer, I still haven't gotten around to seeing the movie.
SolRo
it's watchable if you view with a 7 year-olds mindset...it was a movie made for kids and to sell toys to kids.

Aress
I saw this when I was 13 and I knew it was garbage at about that same point.

John Holmes Motherfucker
At Binghamton, I used to take classes with Ken Jacobs, an experimental filmmaker who is famous among people who are into experimental filmmakers. Ken sometimes likes to use "found footage", i.e., he once found a reel of discarded news footage from the assassination of Malcom X, changed nothing, and presented it as his own under the title "Perfect Film". He wasn't the creator, he was the discoverer. The Creator was chaos, which left in what is usually taken out.

http://globetrotter.berkeley.edu/people/Jacobs/jacobs-con4.htm l

Ken liked my ideas about "Plan 9 From Outer Space" as an "existential tragicomedy". I know how lame that sounds, but if you forget about whatever the hell Ed Wood was trying to do, and see what chaos managed to leave in, it's a portrait of a universe balanced on the edge of destruction... at the mercy of chance, and a whole lotta stupid. Really stupid aliens are trying to save the entire universe from the blundering of even stupider humans And they fail, The End. Nothing is resolved. No one really remarks on the fact that the universe is still tottering on the edge of destruction, although Criswell does end the proceedings with a cryptic "God help us in the future." The fact that "Plan Nine" is replete with legendary goofs and blunders in no way detracts from what makes it so profoundly hilarious and frightening. It only adds to it.

Well, "Batman and Robin" is no "Plan Nine", but none of those witless titleless spoofs (Scary Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie) have ever done such a great job at capturing full-on Hollywood bullshit and how could they? It's the real thing, as serious as the tumor that killed Gene Siskel. It's elevated by to parody status by a misguided faith in the ability of a ridiculous budget to overcome a ridiculous script. The fact that it's not a parody elevates it even further, beyond parody. I mean, when Arnold cocks his freeze ray as if it were a shotgun? Delicious!

So I'll admit it, I love this ridiculous piece of shit movie. I'm glad it got made, and it does have some virtues. It doesn't drag. It stumbles right along. Pacing is definitely something you want in a really bad movie.
Riskbreaker
Good points, any movie can be badly made, but it takes a special kind of bad movie making to make something really really bad. That said, Ed Wood at least had some passion for his awful movies, Shumaherwhateverhisname is clearly doesn't give a shit about the batman universe at all.

John Holmes Motherfucker
My own theory is that instead of passion, Shumacher substituted cocaine. There's definitely a relentless energy that seems detached and artificial. Cocaine would do that.


memedumpster
Arnold is the only cool person in this movie.
John Holmes Motherfucker
I agree completely-- but to be fair, he has the most experience at looking cool in terrible movies.

fluffy
he is COOL AS ICE

because he is MISTER FREEZE

joelkazoo
Don't explain the joke.

John Holmes Motherfucker
Sometimes, explaining the joke is the joke.

Rodents of Unusual Size
"Hello, Freeze. I'm George Clooney. I can't even stop pretending I'm George Clooney for this role. It looks like I'm dressed up for Halloween for a Universal Studios Halloween special. Now let's sell some soda."
FABIO
"I'll get the ICE!"


wait that didn't work

Caminante Nocturno
Showdown at the Museum of Random Things.
mashedtater
exactly how many muesums does gothem have? how many has batman trashed?

John Holmes Motherfucker
Back in the Adam West days, I can remember a time when chief O'Hara and the police didn't arrive until after the fighting was over because they had gone to the wrong museum. There's definitely a lot of museums in Gotham city.

Interesting question, though. Gotham I've always had the feeling that Gotham City is based on New York. How many museums does New York have?

John Holmes Motherfucker
http://www.ny.com/museums/all.museums.html

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