This is a win-win situation since it won't really bother him if his girlfriend turns out to be a guy.

He hasn't talked to her in weeks, but that's ok. He's getting a passport to go see her. We should set bets on where she's from. I'll bet Eastern Europe.

Of course his ideal women is one that is forced to stay married to him for a certain amount of probationary time if she wants to stay in this country.

It must be hard for Dwayne to move around now that he became a neon dragon.

"Dude, you're about to pay to fly across the planet for someone you've admittedly never met...have you really thought about this?" = CONSTANT FEAR MONGERING TO HINDER MY PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

Long as he doesn't end up dead in a ditch across the world I guess it's all good.

Jesus Christ he just has no idea what love actually looks like.

Idiot, no person in genuine romantic love with you would let weeks pass without communication, barring coma or a Robinson Crusoe desert island scenario.