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Desc:HyperCatholic (Excommunicated) Explainer of the Truth of The Man of Steel
Category:Educational, Religious
Tags:Superman, satan, Most Holy Family Monestary, Catholic fundamentalism
Submitted:RealmOne
Date:12/15/15
Views:727
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Comment count is 28
Miss Henson's 6th grade class
Looks like the Devil's got a pretty strong bench.
jangbones
Why would the Devil want to replace Jesus Christ?
That guy
JC can't pass out of the pocket worth a damn.

Sanest Man Alive
Seems legit; they both performed miracles, both came back from death, and both don't really exist. Extra stars for Snyder's ham-fisted Superjesus allegory playing right into this (and depressingly many more) nitwit's worldview.

I'm curious what you have to do to actually get excommunicated these days, though. On top of sheltering pedophiles, the Catholic Church seems mellowed out compared to, say, the Reformation era.
Lurchi
also both are Jews

Crunchy Frog
These are the "traditionalist Catholics" who parted ways with Rome after Vatican II in the 60's.

Sanest Man Alive
Vatican II? I'm oversimplifying surely, but I thought that wasjust about "alright folks, doctrine's super important and all, but we should really get with the times." I didn't realize it left a real schism; the Catholic Church always just seems so monolithic from outside. I'm both relieved and saddened to know Protestants and whatever Mormons declare themselves aren't hoarding all the crazy in this religion for themselves.

Are you Catholic, Crunchy? I'm just assuming as much, but it doesn't really matter, because I should apologize for the pedophilia crack anyway. It was crass, especially when asking a (mostly) honest question in the same breath.

Bort
I've got an uncle who is a (retired) priest who doesn't have much use for Vatican II. It's not that he broke with the Catholic Church, he just refuses to leave the Middle Ages and revel with the hippies.

There's a lot of ill that can be said of the Catholic Church, but at least as an institution it attempts to move forward with its understanding of the world, if at a glacial pace. The Religious Right has no interest in moving forward, just doing whatever cynical thing they think will score them political power. Way to sell your birthright for a bowl of pottage, guys.

ashtar.
So... who is Jesus' Jimmy Olsen? Paul?
Sanest Man Alive
It's probably Simon, who secretly acquired his own superpowers and assumed the alter ego Peter.

EvilHomer
It's "us". We are all Jesus' Jimmy Olsen.

The question is, whether you yourself are Jesus' "nice" Jimmy Olsen, or super-dick Gorilla Jimmy Olsen.

Xenocide
JESUS' PAL, THOMAS THE APOSTLE!

"You've got to help me, Jesus! Ever since that swami put his curse on me, everyone doubts what I say!"

"I DOUBT that, Thomas!"

FEATURING IN THIS ISSUE: THE DOUBTING THOMAS CURSE!

Sanest Man Alive
I still have the issue where Mary Magdalene became a Samaritan for 24 hours. Classic Bronze Age comics nuttiness.

gmol
These are for Evilhomer.

EvilHomer
It's both great fun, and highly instructive, to dig through online archives of Jimmy Olsen covers, and read them as allegories for the tumultuous relationship between ourselves and God.

EvilHomer
For example:

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/marvel_dc/images/b/bd/Jimm y_Olsen_Vol_1_42.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20090112133055

This cover is clearly referencing what HyperCatholic(Excommunicated) is talking about in the video above! The villain here is an entertainment industry insider, brainwashing "Jimmy" (ourselves) and commanding him to kill his savior (Jesus). Meanwhile, this one:

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/marvel_dc/images/6/6f/Jimm y_Olsen_Vol_1_98.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20090112134307

is a modern-day retelling of Job. (possibly also a cynical look at traditional marriage, and our moral obligation to procreate, whether we want to or not)

DriverStabby
Kal-Ellehu Akbar!

All praise due to Kal-El!
Bort
Give it about 20 years.

There was a recent story where Dick Grayson was carrying a scientifically-augmented infant across the desert -- trying to get her to safety after a helicopter crash, and also keep her safe from spy agencies looking to dissect her -- and just when he finally couldn't walk any longer and completely crashed, a kindly Arabic couple named Jamal and Maram happened to drive by and decide to raise the little girl as their own. (Plus get Dick to safety.)

The appeal of Superman and the appeal of Jesus can go a couple different ways: either the majesty and the power, or the kindness and relatability.

EvilHomer
Or the violence and the convenient rationalizations for a self-serving system of oppression.

Xenocide
So THAT'S why Batman has to fight him.
RealmOne
For some reference, this is the spokesmonk for the group that gave us this fine video.
http://americanloons.blogspot.com/2015/12/1545-michael-dimond. html
namtar
Superman is a Jewish allegory, not a Christian one.
Bort
He works for both, though originally he was more clearly Moses-y.

I think a lot of the problem is that American culture doesn't recognize any archetypes besides Jesus and Hitler. Very nice good guy? Jesus. Mean guy who does bad things? Hitler. That's it.

That guy
That's exactly the kind of simplified, binary-thinking, us-versus-them, nuance-free dichotomy that would have been employed by none other than Hitler himself.

EvilHomer
You don't really believe that, do you Mr Bort? American culture is replete with all kinds of archetypes and shades of moral grey. What about Wolverine (bad man who does good things)? Or Harvey Dent (good man who does bad things)? Neither of those two characters fit your Jesus/Hitler binary, and in fact, I'd argue that Wolverine's Byronic anti-hero is FAR more popular in the American imagination than the simplistic goodguy-Jesus archetype - Spawn, Blade, The Punisher, Jax Teller, Scorpion, Tank Girl, Daryl Dixon, Stone Cold, Batman post-Dark Knight. Hell, even our own homegrown JESUS (the titular hero of Broadway's own "Jesus Christ Superstar") is more anti- than hero; a sinful, self-doubting hippie who accomplished nothing and failed at life.

My personal favorite is probably Starbuck, the Katee Sackhoff version from the new BSG. Not only is she an unapologetic anti-hero, not only is she a blatant Jesus allegory, but on top of BOTH of those things, she's this weird blend of Pagan, Gnostic, and Mormon space religions! How can you fit a Jesus allegory into the Jesus archetype, when she is not, in fact, the Christian Jesus, but an explicitly post-Christian/pre-Christian Jesus? You can't. You simply can't.

American culture recognizes plenty of archetypes besides Jesus and Hitler; American culture recognizes as many archetypes as there can be under the sun. SUPERMAN, and indeed much of the classic DC comic world (aside from progressive titles like Batman and Lobo), THEY are what fail to recognize any archetype besides Jesus/Hitler! Your criticism should be directed where it belongs; against Supes and DC Comics, not against America, which lies blameless.

EvilHomer
And yes, as That Guy points out, polarized binary-thinking is exactly the kind of thinking employed by Hitler. This brings us back to the authoritarianism inherent in Superman's worldview.

Bort
I do think our well of archetypes is pretty shallow, yes, and is roughly limited to Jesus and Hitler. Maybe MLK Jr if someone is speaking against prejudice.

"I'd argue that Wolverine's Byronic anti-hero is FAR more popular in the American imagination"

I'm not arguing popularity, I'm arguing that our vocabulary of whom we liken characters to is limited to Jesus and Hitler (and MLK Jr in the case of Professor Xavier). Sure, anti-heroes exist, but our ability to describe them is limited -- yeah Wolverine can be described as "Byronic", but how many people would think to do that? His recent death, where he sacrificed himself to make sure there would be no more lives ruined by the Weapon X program, is most likely to be described as a Jesus moment because what else are people gonna compare it to? (In the comics it's clear it's got something to do with his own redemption, which is a problem Jesus never had.)

chumbucket
Hay! You got your religious mythology all over my colored action story pages!
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