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Desc:Now you... don't have to get help wiping your ass? What?
Category:Advertisements, Horror
Tags:toilet paper, dignity, also his ass is huge, rag on a stick, comfort wipe
Submitted:Hooker
Date:06/11/09
Views:5919
Rating:
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Favorited 12 Times

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Comment count is 68
gotterdamm
"Being a big guy certainly has it's advantages."

No. No it fucking doesn't.
Toenails
"Being a big guy certainly has its advantages..."

Seconding this as a suggestion for the tag.

This was a suggestion for the tag, right?

spikestoyiu
You mean sleep apnea isn't an advantage?

mouser
Get A Grip! The perfect tool for pulling your ass cheeks apart!

Charles
These are for mouser's comment almost making me shoot blueberry juice out of my nose

The Townleybomb
More dignity than a rag on a stick, I suppose.
RomancingTrain
Yeah, this needs rag on a stick tag.

thirteen3seven
Thirding "rag on a stick."

Hooker
Hey! That would activate another tag!

Done.

memedumpster
I am NOT clicking that tag, I am NO... *click*

Goddammit.

The Townleybomb
I am kind of shocked that there aren't more videos for that tag already.

Rodents of Unusual Size
Thank you so much for linking my tag so that two equally horrifying abominations of videos can be linked.

Kumquatxop
five stars for also his ass is huge
mouser
Yeah this is one of the best entries this year.

charmlessman
"It allows you to maintain your dignity..."

No, dear, you did this commercial. You have no dignity.
Caminante Nocturno
The old woman at 0:50 really wants to make this thing sound glamorous.

I would suggest "three seashells" or "Demolition Man" as a tag.
socialist_hentai
I vote for "three seashells tag"

Kumquatxop
Honestly, what would you consider a more difficult acting task: winning an Oscar, or selling Ass-Wiper 3000 with a straight face?

Syd Midnight
The narrator really earned her paycheck that day
fermun
We are a disgusting animal.
spikestoyiu
I take it you've never been to the monkey house at the zoo.

twinkieafternoon
How is toilet paper "archaic?" Bio-degradable paper product that allows for a system of effective fecal waste maintenance throughout the civilized world?

Toilet paper is what separates us from the chimpanzees, dammit.

Ersatz
"First major improvement" my ass (that I wiped myself)
Need I remind them of two-ply?

spikestoyiu
In all seriousness, on my first trip to Southeast Asia, I was horrified to find that the septic system in many areas cannot handle toilet paper, so a hose is attached to every toilet in order to wash your ass immediately after shitting. It took some getting used to, but I quickly realized this was a far superior system.

Of course then there's Indians who simply wipe their ass with the hand they don't eat with. Now there's innovation!

Comeuppance
The entire commercial is actually just providing the lines you'll need to regurgitate to your friends when they see this in your bathroom.

I'm almost surprised they don't sell a family pack in different colors.

Gold and Silver for Mom and Dad!
Blue for the boys!
Pink for the girls!
Green for the ones who are too fat to have their genders be immediately identifiable!

socialist_hentai
I'm reminded of a gay german stand up comedian commenting on the toilet habits of women: "Ich fass doch nicht mein arsch ann."
Urburos
Babelfish translation: "I barrel nevertheless not my ass ann."

The Townleybomb
LOL it's funny because it's true.

Muddy Mae Suggins
"I don't touch my ass"

extra n on an

Seattle
AAAAHHHHHHH! AAAHHHH! AAAAAAAAAHHH!

What happens when you accidentally get excrement on the stick? Do you have to buy another stick to clean it off with, so that you don't have to touch any dirty toilet paper?

blackmetallic
This is right up there with "this sentence is false" as one of the great riddles of man. Stars, sir, stars.

rawelkij
I originally thought, upon seeing the woman using the shower brush, that it was also to double as a shower brush, and the above possibility deeply disturbed me.

Seattle
I agree, I was very displeased with the cut from ass-wiping stick to body-scrubbing stick.

Also, 0:09 makes my underside cringe.

Billy the Poet
"Wipe America from the map" in the empty tag?
memedumpster
My meager tag suggestion: "poo-on-a-stick."
kennydra
Ogbesion tag?
glendower
Caution: Do not use as a dildo.
Stupid Lisa Garbage Face
If you use this regularly I think it's inevitable that one day you'll accidentally use it as a dildo.

Also I'd be scared that little grabby claw in the middle that grabs and holds the toilet paper would accidentally cut me or end up grabbing me where I don't want it to.

Hooker
Wait, what? Just when I thought I had women figured out.

THA SUGAH RAIN
Does this accidental dildo use of household items happen to women a lot?

Baby Finster
Now this is what I would call solving a problem that doesn't exist.
The Townleybomb
Breath deep next to a really fat guy some time if you don't think this problem exists.

Menudo con queso
Oh fuck, that explains the horrid odor emanating from the guy I walked by in the grocery store the other day. Thanks for the mental image.

Baby Finster
If somebody is that gross, I don't think that putting the toilet paper on a stick is going to help very much.

Hooker
I should have given this a Townleybomb tag.
Lovely Envelope Girl
Soo... what happened in the 1880's?
hammsangwich
People stopped shitting their pants.

Geoff Marr
Two very useless inventions for $19.99
Billy the Poet
I'm looking forward to the knock-off "Wipe-stik" with Vince Offer.

"You know you hate wipin' yer ass! Now WATCH THIS!!!"
Stupid Lisa Garbage Face
I'm looking forward to the "Slap Wipe". Toilet time is no longer boring. Watch this.. slap once.. large chunks gone. Slap twice.. you can eat off it.

spikestoyiu
I'm not looking forward to the "Slap Wipe" Team Fortress 2 "mashup" with the Scout that every neckbeard will auto five.

Cheese
I so wanted this to not be real.
Menudo con queso
It's an Asslatl!
chumbucket
SO how many ERs were visited by folks with this thing stuck in the rectum?
chumbucket
now having read the comments above I would gladly offer up another 5 stars if I could

Hooper_X
Jesus fucking christ. There are three groups of people this item is being sold to:

People too fat to wipe themselves.
People too old and decrepit to wipe themselves (CALL YOUAH GRAHNDMAH DAHLING)
People who are so goddamned OCD they can't wipe their own ass without spending thirty minutes in the shower afterwards.
BillFisto
1:09: OUCH! MY ASS-WIPING SHOULDER!

Five stars for the repeated majestic unfurling of the Comfort Wipe. A full 18 inches!
Rodents of Unusual Size
The above has become one of my favorite comments here ever.

godot
The Horror! Also, I don't believe this will help at all with skidmarks amongst the morbidly obese.
Billy the Poet
Also, I was having trouble understanding why the curve seemed to be away from what seemed to be the suggested handgrip. Then I thought about it, and I hated this video even more!
LeMoyne IV
I wish, oh how I wish, that I had invented this.
gambol
The Romans used that 2000 years ago.
Enjoy
My wikipedia edit of Aqueduct only lasted an hour.

Man Who Fights Like Woman
Great for people who went to Vassar and keep their gloves on when they give you a handjob!
thebaronsdoctor
So much hilarity

The fat guy who tries to gloss over the "I'm too fat to reach my ass" part

The implication that wiping your ass will pull out your shoulder

The fact that this product exists.
Camonk
I wish I could kill the part of my brain that now knows about this thing. I would gladly do any drug to never have to know this is real.
ogmisce
i think maybe this is just for old people who have arthritis real bad and stuff. consider the handle thing they throw in at the end... strictly for old people. they probably just put young people in the commercial so that old people don't feel like they'd be admitting their age by buying it
dead_cat
If toilet paper's so archaic, then why don't we install some variation on the bidet?
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