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Desc:Friendly reminder that Kevin Smith is human garbage
Category:Classic Movies, Crime
Tags:Kevin Smith, pretentious, trying too hard, indie as fuck, Chasing Amy
Submitted:BIlly Mays Here
Date:03/02/10
Views:2884
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Comment count is 72
BIlly Mays Here
FYI the comic store clerks' dialogue is lifted straight from negative reviews of Mall Rats. So if Smith had his way Chasing Amy would have opened with him calling his critics fags to show how little he cared.
Ocyrus
Looks like we have ourselves a fanboy!
Suck that fat, talentless, anally-fixated, blob's knob.

BIlly Mays Here
Yes. I, the guy who posted the video and called Kevin Smith human garbage in the description, am a knob-slobbing fanboy. I guess that's why it's called Portal of Evil and not Portal of Reading Comprehension.

Five-starring my own submission because fuck you.

Charles
Heehee. 5 stars for complete ownage.

Rovin
"I'm rich."

... Isn't this the guy who was kinda sorta begging people to go see his films or bemoaning how they weren't going to perform or weren't performing PERIOD around the time of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and Jersey Girl?
CharlesSmith
So where's your "better than this" movie Kevin? Where's all the greatness you've been suppressing in order to make your stilted faux-indie train-wrecks? Was it Jersey Girl? It was Jersey Girl wasn't it?
Lurchi
He could be going for the "worst director in history" title. He left Michael Bay in the dust. Ed Wood wrote better dialogue.
SteamPoweredKleenex
I wish to question your statement, not on the grounds of defending Kevin Smith, but on your apparent high regard for Michael Bay. Have you actually THOUGHT about his "Transformers" movies? He put nards on a robot. The plots make no sense. They star Shia "NONONONONONONONO" TheBeef and a female lead who doesn't have the acting ability of a coked-up porn actress.

His action scenes are filmed in "Confuse-O-Vision," the second film was started with robot designs instead of a script, and he is to storytelling what a blender is to nail clippers.

Lurchi
The Rock was pretty good for a bad movie.

Hooker
Yeah, seriously. The Rock makes it Michael Bay 1, Kevin Smith 0. Also, I don't think Bay writes his movies (or cares who writes them).

Hooker
Also, Michael Bay has TWO movies in the Criterion catalogue while Kevin Smith only has ONE. What do you say to that?

CharlesSmith
Ugh. I have to ask. Which two?

Hooker
His best and his worst. The Rock and Armageddon. This masterpiece is Kevin Smith's selection.

Xenocide
That's right, folks. The Smith-hate bandwagon has careened so far out of control that they're actually complimenting Michael Bay.

Who will be the next to bravely step up and challenge for the title of most retardedly over-the-top Smith-bashing comment? It is I! I see your Michael Bay and raise you the contention that even one second of any Smith film is worse than the entire AIDS crisis, plus the day your beloved childhood pet died, combined.

Ha! Now who's the hippest hip kid who's too good to like popular things from the 90's?

Lurchi
Not the 90's. History. Kevin Smith is the worst director in history.

Hooker
Christopher Nolan is a hack!

SteamPoweredKleenex
So, Lurchi, you're saying you prefer the work of Uwe Boll, Keenan Ivory Wayans and that tag-team of suck, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer?

I dub thee troll.

Lurchi
Kevin Smith is the Uwe Boll of comedy.

Desidiosus
M. Night Shyamalan.

Dicknuts
I don't like any kevin smith movies, granted. But man do I enjoy listening to him tell stories. And had I muted transformers, I probably could have enjoyed it.

Camonk
Xeno, nobody who's waxed as rhapsodic as you have about something as shitty as Dr. Who has any reason calling people out on hyperbole.

Like fuckin' hyperbole is the worst internet crime you can think of, anyhow.

garcet71283
Don't go bringing The Doctor into this, he has no place in a Kevin Smith "discussion"

Xenocide
Even if Doctor Who were the worst thing ever made in any medium ever, it would at least be ridiculous enough to be worth waxing rhapsodic about. Whereas Smith's stuff isn't even bad in an interesting way. It's just bland and whiny. You are giving him too much credit by wasting your precious internet rage on him, when EVEN NOW Frank Miller is probably writing another screenplay and only we can stop him.

memedumpster
"Kevin Smith is the Uwe Boll of comedy."

Ewe Boll made Postal, which kicks the crap out of all of Kevin Smith's moivies.

I still remember that long ass Kevin Smith interview where he recommended new film makers get a bunch of credit cards and max them out to make their first film. What a douchebag.

Candlejackv616
Lets be real, once upon a time much like with M. Night he was pretty decent to good at what he did. Clerks and Mallrats are funny, not great endeavors of comedy and wit like Bay and his robot balls that some of you would rather accept as good.

Never the less these flicks for a time were amusing, then chasing Amy came along. funny movie, falls apart half way through and keeps on chugging along into one pretty stupid fucking ending.

After that smith just went off rails, or more to the point i think he figured out he had a shtick, one fans expected of him and he played it up and then decided he wanted his shtick AND wanted to do "serious" or "deeper" work...and that's how you get COPOUT=D

Bort
I'm pretty sure the ending to "Chasing Amy" is supposed to be stupid, because the point is that Ben Affleck doesn't know how to handle things and screws up. It's not a rewarding kind of stupid, but it's got a true-to-life feeling to it, where stupidity isn't magically redeemed through good intentions.

Basically, the point of the movie was dysfunction, and Kevin Smith followed it through to its most likely conclusion. Not the happiest ending, but it seemed like the right one.

hornung
his goatee is lopsided.
zatojones
would you people shut the fuck up? those movies were funny
mon666ster
Thank you.

BIlly Mays Here
Kevin Smith movies are funny if you're a dork in the 90s growing up in a world where seeing a movie where guys talk about Star Wars is novel and amazing and funny. In the modern internet age it's just embarrassing, doubly so as Smith insists on thrusting himself in the spotlight whenever possible (endless podcasts, Evening With... DVDs, and live speakign events) then turning around and whining about any negative publicity or criticism he gets.

Lurchi
No, they weren't funny even then.

CornOnTheCabre
YOU TELL 'EM, STEVE-DAVE!

poorwill
Chasing Amy and especially Dogma are garbage. Dogma is one of the worst movies ever made. Those are the only ones I've seen.

CharlesSmith
Poorwill, you have honestly seen the best two. No shit. Even his fans would agree.

socialist_hentai
I stand by Zato, Chasing Amy and Jersey Girl were his worst in my opinion. I don't know what he does to promote his movies, I've seen most of them on TV and they were ok and I don't get all the venom spewed at him but then again i spew venom at von Trier every chance i get so maybe i should shut up.

Xenocide
No. Clerks is his best movie.

None of them are particularly good, though, nor particularly bad. They're straightforward comedies with lots of cursing, distinguished only be some recurring characters and shoehorned-in Star Wars jokes.

They're really not worth getting so worked up about either way, but don't let me stop you.

Architeuthis Tux
No, socialist hentai, von Trier has earned every dollop of shit that's ever been sent his way.

I'm indifferent to Smith's stuff. It's bad, but it's not really aimed at me so I can just ignore it. If I were a disaffected, witty college student with a cadre of counter-cultural dork-friends I'd be a lot more annoyed by him.

sosage
Can I get aboard this bandwagon? Thanks. So. How you guys doing? My choices for good Smith movies are Clerks and Chasing Amy. Oh. Sorry. Gotta get off here. Have a nice day.

MaulLove
I foolishly rented Clerks 2, having seen and marginally enjoyed Clerks and Dogma. Clerks 2 wasn't funny at all, just crass. I'm not a prude, it just wasn't fucking funny at all.

revdrew
I still have a soft spot for Clerks and Mallrats, Chasing Amy was just kind of irritating, he should have had someone else direct Dogma, Jay & Silent Bob was utterly forgettable, and Clerks 2 was surprisingly funny. I haven't bothered with, nor will I bother with, watching any of his other stuff.

That said, this clip is god awful, and I could barely make it a minute in. 5 shitty stars.

Syd Midnight
He'll always be the guy who made "Clerks" but he can never be the guy who made "Clerks" again

Candlejackv616
When I was 15 or 16 I would v said Dogma and Mallrats. Nowadays I would say Mallrats and Clerks. Dogma is just kinda embarrassing to watch in parts, some novel ideas and couple decent bits with Jay and Bob and whatnot, but mostly I just kinda cringe on and off throughout when I watch it.


Bort
Good call, Syd.

The first KS film I saw was "Chasing Amy", and I should have stopped there. It's got a lot going for it, but I think I would have hated it if I'd seen "Clerks" first, and realized that KS was broadcasting his issues with women yet again. (I can't begrudge him working through his issues or feeling there's a story to tell; "Chasing Amy" worked well on both levels. But it's the sort of thing you really should do only once.)

The thing that grates is when Kevin Smith gets self-indulgent, for example when he works responses to Internet critics into his movies, or when he puts his favorite band in a film and dances with them. KS does that way too much.

"Boo Boo Kitty Fuck" still makes me laugh and I would shake Kevin Smith's hand just for that.

lolcoolj
I HATE KEVIN SMITH BUT HERE IS 5 STARS BECAUSE THE 5 STARS REPRESENT THAT I HATE HIM 5 TIMES AS MUCH. RAGE RAGE RAGE!
chumbucket
I think I know why this scene was deleted but for the life of me I don't know why the rest of the movie wasn't deleted with it.
APE_GOD
I saw him speak at an event (no that wasn't why I was there)

The first thing that struck me was how morbidly obese he was. Like holy-shit-how-does-that-happen-fat.

As I was trying to correlate this he started talking about how hot his wife is. She was sitting in the front row. Proceeded to relate how hot his wife was to his success, how being as successful as he is, allowed him, a huge gross fat guy with a tiny dick (a paraphrase of his words) gets to now fuck this hot woman.

Then he invited the whole audience to fuck his wife to see how good she was, so they could understand how lucky he is.

What is he, like, in his 40's?

The guy has no class, in all the wrong, not-hip-or-cool-or-transgressive ways. He is just gross and mediocre and can't stop bragging about it.

Hate to say it, but he is a typical American.
Riskbreaker
Has anyone posted a trailer to Cop Out? That should end any further discussion regarding Kevin Smith.
Jeff Fries
It pains me to see Tracy Morgan stoop to cooning

HP Lovesauce
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/cop_out/

anotherdeadhero
Fuck y'all, 5 stars!
Wonko the Sane
As a Kevin Smith apologist, that was terrible.
charmlessman
Stilted, awkward, juvenile, ham handed.

ALL the stuff I love about Kevin Smith!!

5 Stars!
themilkshark
I love Dogma, and I was in Jersey Girl (lol contributed to its suckage) and Kevin Smith movies are pretty much obviously bad, kind of like MST3K's sets and puppets made of trash. If you're into kitchsy sort of bad movies like John Waters, Richard O'Brien, George Lucas etc. then Kevin Smith movies are enjoyable. I think his movies are hard for some to enjoy because the guy has made himself a lot of success out of pandering and mediocrity. I've also met Kevin Smith twice and he's about the nicest human being on the planet. This scene is horrible by the way.

burnt popcorn
Didn't Orson Welles grow a beard AFTER peaking early and being too fat to fly?
NewHeavenSalesman
Five stars for being the Hollywood equivalent of a Portal of Evil revenge comic.
Ocyrus
"I'm rich"... oh yeah, so was Hitler.
That sums it up for me, anyone that can justify their actions solely on the wealth they have accumulated is human trash in my eyes. That was Kevin Smith's inner dialogue, his limited success with a bunch of other mostly fat losers (300 Million Americans, more than 2/3rds of whom are obese and brain dead), has gone to his gut and to his head.
I'll give him credit for Clerks, after that he's shyte.
Tameriaen
It is almost as if you have taken seriously what was very intentionally a joke. What intention could he possible have in this scene other than to lampoon his critics and make him seem like a giant asshole--that's his bread and butter. He cut this scene (if I were guessing) not because it's too self-indulgent (all his fucking movies are nerd-self-indulgent), but because it's boring.

That said, yeah, Clerks is his only movie that I return to.

Paracelsus
Five stars for completely unneccessary further evidence of Smith's cultural-barnacle status.
DJRobotron
Kevin Smith, To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee.
nemeses9
I must be the only person here who enjoyed Dogma and the Clerks films.

Or the only one willing to admit it anyway.
Raggamuffin
I liked them. They were funny. Five for Ocyrus' "Kevin Smith = Hitler" comment.

Unmerciful Crushing Force
Yeah I thought Clerks was amazing and Dogma was just above-average. Have yet to see Mallrats or Chasing Amy. Might have been because I saw Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back first and that was amusing but had none of the smarter elements that made many of us high school students like Smith in the first place.

fluffy
Clerks was fun when it was the mid-90s. Dogma was entertaining although not particularly meaningful. Zack and Miri Make A Porno was cute.

Seeing his public bawling over being called a fatty was the best thing ever, though.

Potrod
Obviously awful, but while it was awful, it was not awful enough to convince me that Kevin Smith is human garbage (especially since he apparently cut it), either, so... 3 stars for this.

I liked Clerks, disliked Clerks 2, and have no interest in seeing any of his other movies. I liked his stories about Prince. As somebody basically indifferent to him, I find the vitriolic hatred this guy inspires in people somewhat puzzling and annoying. He's not the "For The Record" guy, which seems to be the level of hate he's getting from a lot of people.
oogaBooga
That sure is a lot of attention given to someone everyone purportedly hates.
bac
It's what happens when people actually like something, but its more internet cool to hate on it. Granted I've seen the jersey trilogy about 10 times.

joelkazoo
After all that hype, it was a great big "meh".
FABIO
Kevin Smith movies were funny up until we all discovered internet humor with the exception of Jay saying wacky shit.

END STORY
Harveyjames
His movies are fucking horrible but I think he would make a pretty great recurring centre square on Hollywood Squares
woodenbandman
Fuck all you guys, Dogma was rad as fuck

Kevin smith would be funny if he didn't think that he was clever. He substitutes witty banter for pretty much everything. Need plot exposition? Witty banter. Need a joke? Witty banter. Witty banter? Dick fart fart butt.
WHO WANTS DESSERT
Red State is going to be such shit
klingerbgoode
This now links to 'Indian man paints with tongue". Thanks, AOL.
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