A direct-to-video romantic comedy using an enchanted masturbation toy as the central plot device, starring a bunch of no-names, a porn star as herself, and the guy who voiced one of the Kung Fu Panda characters produced by a porn studio under a new name specifically for distribution of this movie.
I hope to god Roger Ebert and Christian Spolight somehow manage to review it.
5 for James Hong.
"Some say that it turns fantasy into reality!"
"Does that 'some' include you?"
"Middle-of-the-Road Entertainment presents:"
Nope, still setting the bar too high.
Aside from giving away the entire 'plot', this trailer features a magic rape and a gang-bang on a 7-months pregnant woman.
2:45 -- Why is he surprised to see his porn star girlfriend having sex? Does he even know what porn is?
I am amazed this happened. I am speechless right now.
I've already seen "The Room," I can't handle any more bad movies. If you need me, I'll be watching "The Dark Knight" on endless loop for the next year.
Evil accursed Gremlin dildo. Don't use it after midnight.
Did Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders really need a remake?
"Take this fleshlight, but beware it carries a terrible curse!"
"Ooooh, that's bad."
"But it comes with this free pin-up calender!"
"The pin-up calender is also cursed."
"But you get your choice of centerfold!"
"The centerfolds are all members of the 1976 Soviet Efficiency Panel on Women's Health Concern in the Baltic Region."
"Can I go now?"
These spirit stars are also cursed.
Is this supposed to be a romantic comedy?
Its more in line with a horror film.
I couldn't imagine a worse case scenario for knocking up a broad, than the broad in question being a porn star.
The sequel is going to be some other 29 year old guy still in high school getting the same fleshlight, jerking off with the butthole attachment and Tori Black finds him after she shit herself after so much gratuitous anal pleasure (he goes on for like 2 hours and they show it all) at the AVNs. She knows of the legendary Fleshlight and strongarms the asian guy into telling him who bought it last. They use the same dad with the fleshlight thinking it's a flashlight joke, the same "this is my life, this is who I am" line and the news reporter interviews Black on the shitting incident where she calls it....
Flesh Lightning 2: Immaculate Defecation.
Um guys? I think this is a joke.
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