That's not a meltdown.
|Caminante Nocturno |
I want the next Indiana Jones movie to end like this.
A confused 85 year old Harrison Ford wanders around an ancient Mayan ruin trying to remember where he parked.
INT. CAVERN OF THE BLUE ROCK
SHIA LEBOUF is trapped in a wooden cage suspended from the ceiling as HARRISON FORD tries to figure out how to activate the mechanism to release him.
You're gonna hafta... you're gonna hafta get the artifact... nope... nope it's called the Cavern Of The Blue Rock... you better... you'll hafta... that's a cobweb... you're gonna hafta get the blue rock... you're gonna-- Nice try!
|The Mothership |
I lived through the 90s and this is the first time I've heard of this show. Was it always this bad?
Yes. The main attraction of Nickelodeon's game shows (Nick Arcade, Double Dare, this) was to get angry at the contestants for not being good.
For a brief period of time I had cable in college and all I watched was GaS Network. Not sure if it's still around but haven't seen it on the west coast. Anyway it was pretty much this 24/7 and that was sort of my introduction to the show. That being said, I'm spending half my time writing my thesis and the other half watching Legends of the Hidden Temple, and Legends of the Hidden Temple's final challenge made less sense to me than Ludwig Wittgenstein.
1. The Hidden Temple is all that is the case.
1.1 The Temple is the totality of struggles, not of rooms.
1.11 The Temple is determined by the struggles, and by their being all bullshit.
1.12 For the totality of struggles determines what is the case, and also whatever is not the case.
1.2 The struggles in physical space are the rooms.
1.21 The rooms divide into puzzles.
1.22 Each puzzle can be the case or not the case while everything else remains the same.
Wasn't the hidden temple just the repurposed set of Finders Keepers?
|Jet Bin Fever |
Damnit Kirk Fogg, sound a little more urgent! A set of British Knights sneakers and a trip to Orlando Studios is at stake!
I like how a lot of times that WAS the prize.. weren't they already at Universal Studios Orlando? Like, I guess that sounds better than "we'll get you a better hotel than the Super 8 you're staying at" for some, but what if other families were already at the hotel in question?
I got fucked once this way coming back from Florida once after the Super Bowl and my ex and I were stranded in Florence Kentucky. We were tired, hungry and not thinking straight, but because our flight was cancelled we got a free voucher for the Super 8. They just gave us two, maybe assuming we weren't a couple, but we didn't think twice. When we got there we tried to explain that it was just a one bedroom, that we were married, etc. and didn't need the extra voucher or room, etc. but because I showed it to them I owed them 69 dollars. I'm sure it wasn't entirely their fault, like they blacked out part of the hotel for the airline, so any person off the street couldn't purchase it, but still. I didn't break anything of value but I upper deckered the toilet and messed up the unoccupied room as much as I could out of spite.
FUCK A PURPLE PARROT
SILVER SNAKES RUN THIS BLOCK
So here's a great interview with a woman who was on the show as a kid. She says the show was hell to film, each episode took like 12 hours, nothing worked on set, and the temple run has left her traumatized to this day:
A lot of people think the unfairness of the temple rules (meeting a guard means you lose, but it's impossible to avoid them; whether they pop out at you or not is sheer dumb luck) was a design flaw. It wasn't. It was Nick protecting their profits. If you've given out too many expensive grand prizes this month, just fill the temple with tons of guards for the next dozen episodes or so. Now it's impossible for anyone to win. Nick is kids!
Well the show isn't called "Legends Of The Obvious Temple"
GOOD THING SHE WAS WEARING A HELMET
I just would have kicked the temple guards in the nuts.
|That guy |
for the lack of understanding of the word 'meltdown'
GET THE GODDAMNED COIN
No kid ever beat this fucking thing.
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